a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize