porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So many bounce houses so little time
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
