I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize