I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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