Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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