Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
