woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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