legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
