At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
