Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
