You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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