i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
