Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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