He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he had hair everywhere except his balls
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
