you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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