dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
