theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize