We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
