What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
