He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize