I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
