please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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