his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
