We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
