I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My room smells like vodka and shame
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
