Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
