I just pynch a tree in the face
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
