Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize