So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
