Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
