i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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