just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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