I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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