he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
