Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
