Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
