Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
