So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
