not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
