I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
