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• (979): View more from Texas

  i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.

  (903): View more from Texas

  wow. i have no words.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.

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• (845): View more from New York

  I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers

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