You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize