if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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