dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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