Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can text with my tongue
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
