im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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