I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
