it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
