Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
