Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
