We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
