No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
is it fun? or sober?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
