It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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