I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
