i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
