How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
