just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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