dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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