6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Randomize
