There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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