An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
