3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
