yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
