Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
