In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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