Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize