the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
