DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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