Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
