I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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