i think my mom watched the whole time
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
