Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
