I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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