my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
