The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I want to be your penis for a week.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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