Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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