when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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