Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
