Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
