you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The uberlube is also flammable
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
