I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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