Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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