his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Sacagawea was the original milf.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize