I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize