Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
