I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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