her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize