Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
