You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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