you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
