I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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