The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
