She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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