I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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