i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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