I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
