My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm getting married
To pizza
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize