I'm going to jail i love you
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
