just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
