am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
