fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
